


Fabric of a Fragile Home

by navyblueoveryou



Series: Threads by Now, Now: A TLOU2 Songfic Series [1]
Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/F, Heavy Angst, Songfic, brrrrahhh major spoilers, do not read this if you haven't played the entire game!, the Farm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:26:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24898393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/navyblueoveryou/pseuds/navyblueoveryou
Summary: The beginning of a songfic series featuring Now Now's album "Threads".Ellie has to finish it.m-m-major spoilers. Please do not read if you haven't finished the game or, at the very least, hit the farm.
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Series: Threads by Now, Now: A TLOU2 Songfic Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1801660
Comments: 6
Kudos: 59





	Fabric of a Fragile Home

**Author's Note:**

> Am I aging myself by calling this a songfic series? Do people still call these "songfics"? 
> 
> Anyway, one of my favorite bands of all time (Now, Now) released an album in 2012 by the name of Threads. As I was listening the other day, I realized how insanely relevant/applicable the majority of the album is to Ellie's story, so as someone whose writing is mostly inspired by music, I decided to make this into a series and go down the track list. I don't think that all songs will be applicable, but lets try it. 
> 
> Please check out Now, Now on Spotify/youtube/bandcamp/wherever you listen to music- they are definitely a band that Ellie would love, they're lovely people and amazing musicians - support our queer artists!
> 
> Let's get it - we'll start with "The Pull". 
> 
> Here's a link to the official music video/song on YT (also available on Spotify!): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lI_pjy3pjI8

The ache in Dina's chest was unmatched. Not even the pain of childbirth compared to the ever-growing swell of despair inside of her.  
Watching Ellie, hunched over that stupid backpack in the kitchen, stuffing supplies away as quietly as she could as to not wake her partner and their son...

She hadn't noticed that Dina was standing behind her, watching. Waiting.

Waiting for an explanation. A "I couldn't sleep, I'm going hunting". A "I couldn't sleep, I'm just going to do a quick patrol around the perimeter". 

Maybe it wasn't so much an explanation as it was an excuse. But the word "excuse" carried an accusatory connotation with it, so Dina preferred "explanation". It felt more...trusting.

"Hey."

Ellie froze and quickly pushed to her feet, turning on her heels to face Dina, who stood just past the threshold between the kitchen and the living room.

_**Find a thread to pull and we can watch it unravel  
The lines we both have sewn to form the fabric of a fragile home.. **_

Ellie resorted to nervous tinkering with her fingertips - something Dina had known her to do for the entirety of the time that they'd known one another. "Hi."

Her eyes moved to the bag that Ellie was clearly doing her best to stand in front of, in an attempt to hide it. 

"JJ's still asleep." Dina stepped closer, into the kitchen. The tile felt like ice against her bare feet. Like a reminder of the thin ice their relationship seemed to be skating on. "Come back to bed, babe."

Ellie's face fell. That look of guilt was written all over her. That same look Dina had seen plenty of times before, always followed by an apology. Whether she was sorry for waking up screaming and crying or for having a panic attack at the sight of old golf clubs they'd found in the barn when clearing out the loft. 

Ellie was always forgiven. No questions asked.

"...I have to go."

Dina let out the breath she had been holding in an exasperated sigh, shaking her head as her eyes closed to keep the tears from coming. _Goddamnit, Ellie. Goddamn you._

Ellie immediately went on the defensive. "I need to finish this - you heard Tommy, I-"

"Stop." Dina pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to calm the trembling that was slowly quaking through her body. "Don't you dare start on that, Ellie."

Ellie sighed, her hands falling against her sides - a silent ask of what Dina wanted from her, what she was _supposed_ to do. "I can't just leave it alone, Dina. I can't live like this. I don't sleep, I don't eat, I-"

"You think I don't know that?" Dina's face was worn with exhaustion. "You think that I don't see you deteriorating in front of me? In front of us? In front of your family?" Goddamnit. Even JJ could see that Ellie wasn't right. The way he looked at her when she drifted off into that dark side of her mind. Even Ellie's "little potato" recognized her suffering. "Don't do this, Ellie." Dina voice broke as she struggled to hold it together, but the world around her, the perfect world she had worked so hard to build, was crumbling. "Please. We worked so hard, I..."

"I won't be gone long. Maybe a month. Tops."

_**We'll spend a month apart,  
At least I know when you'll be coming home.  
But this is just the start,  
We'll find out who we are. **_

Dina gave in for a moment, if only to humor Ellie. "And if you're longer than that?" Her tone faded from hurt into fury. "I'm just supposed to sit and wait on you, hoping you come back alive?"

Ellie picked her pack up off the ground, throwing it over her shoulders as she had hundreds of times before. The early sun was slowly beginning to peek through the kitchen window, a beam of light between their two bodies. 

"I'm sorry," Ellie offered simply. "I have to take this chance." Her eyes met Dina's numbing gaze. "I don't plan on dying."

_**A hint of light in the dark -  
But only enough to keep from giving up... **_

"Who _plans_ on dying, Ellie?" Dina snapped back. "Huh? Do you think Jesse _planned_ to die before JJ was born?" She stepped closer, her brows furrowed, face contorted in a type of resentment. "You think Joel _planned_ on dying?"

Her hands fell against Ellie's chest and shoved her away roughly when she tried to pull Dina into her. "Don't you fucking touch me," she whimpered, tears breaking past the barricades and clinging to her long eyelashes. "You don't get to act like you don't have a fucking choice, Ellie. Not anymore."

They stood in silence for a moment, though it felt like an eternity. 

"It's not an act," Ellie said finally, almost defiantly, as Dina steadied herself against the kitchen counter, bracing herself for the inevitable heartbreak she was about to suffer at the hands of her one true love again. The sobs that racked her body shook her petite frame, but instead of coming to comfort her, Ellie kept her distance. "I don't have a choice."

"You selfish fuck," Dina sobbed, her head hanging in defeat. She couldn't even look at Ellie as her tears collected on the countertops she had wiped down before bed, before the fabrics of their fragile home had begun to unravel again. "You leave this house and I won't let you back in." The threat held some potency, but even Dina couldn't say for certain whether it was set in stone. The love she held for Ellie was one she had never experienced before. The only love that trumped it was the love she had for JJ.

 _Oh, JJ._ Her precious boy would be left not only without a father, but without the woman who had stepped up in Jesse's place. Without the love of Dina's life. Without his other mama. That was the thread that snapped then - not simply unraveled. The sutures that Dina had carefully mended her heart back together with again and again were slowly becoming undone.

"That's up to you," came Ellie's voice, cold and distant. Dina looked to her through bleary eyes, through tears that refused to stop. Her fingertips gripped the countertop to keep her balance - she felt as if she would die right there and then if Ellie walked out that door.

"Don't you walk out that fucking door, Ellie!" she yelled. "Don't you leave our family behind!"

Ellie sighed before turning her back to the only woman she had ever loved and took those few steps to the back door, pulling open the first door and leaning against the storm door as the sound of Dina's muffled sobs grew louder the further she went. "I hope you'll forgive me later," she said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"I wish I never fucking met you, Ellie Williams!" Dina screamed through this breakdown that tore her apart, throwing a nearby glass at the door as it shut behind Ellie, shattering into pieces, a mirror of their life. "I wish I never would have trusted you! You were the burden, Ellie! You were the fucking burden!"

Dina collapsed against the counter, sinking down to the floor and pulling her knees to her chest as anguish ripped through her body. 

She was alone now, and the only person that JJ had. She had done everything right. She had played the part of mother, housewife, partner. She had stayed up late into the night stroking Ellie's hair, suffering through her flashbacks and night terrors with her. All the while, when JJ and Ellie had both fallen asleep, Dina would lie awake, staring at the ceiling, replaying their moments in Seattle like a projector in her mind. 

_"Well you're a burden now, aren't you?"_

Dina had worked so hard to prove to Ellie since that moment in the lobby of the theater that she wasn't a burden. That despite Abby slipping out of their reach, they could have a comfortable, normal life. The farm that Ellie had promised her. 

And now, as the sun rose on a new day, Dina felt empty. 

She sat on the cold tiles of the floor until JJ's faint crying snapped her out of it. Ellie had given up on being a parent, but she couldn't. She _wouldn't._

"Mommy's coming, baby," she said, just loud enough to hope he could hear her as she found the strength to push to her feet and hustle up the stairs. She took him up into her arms, cradling him close against her chest as she wiped away her tears. "I'll never leave you," she told him. "But..." she sniffled as the realization of her words hit her. "Mama Ellie's gonna be bye-bye for a while."

_**If I could go back to the start  
To break the pattern forming between us. **_


End file.
